United by Love

2011 International Conference!

2011-06-13T10:17:00.000-07:00

It's finally here, FSA World Wide Conference. If you've been you know how amazing and awesome it is. If you haven't, let us tell you a little about it. It's a conference about all things adoption. If you have questions about whether to parent or place or how to plan your life post placement, navagating the waters of open adoption or how to make a difference volunteering for adopton, this is the place to have those questions answered. You'll be able to ask questions of other Birth Mothers, listen to amazing key note speakers, eat a wonderful buffet dinner, attend a fun raffle with fabulous prizes and make lifelong friends at the mix and mingle. It's free for Birth Parents and their families, however you'll need to register individually online... Click here to register. The Conferece is August 12th and 13th beginning at 9am both days at the Davis Conference Center in Layton, Utah. (directions and more info can be found when you click to register) FSA World Wide Conference is a life changing experience, we can't wait to see you there.

Facebook Birth Parent Group

2011-01-24T20:16:00.000-08:00

We are excited to announce that the remote expectant/birth parent support group currently being held on the phone will be moving to a chat feature on Facebook. Girls can join the group chat by searching for “LDSFS Expectant Parent/Birth Parent Support Group” and requesting to join, since it is a closed group.

We will host this group on the last Thursday of each month at 6 p.m. (MST) (see dates below). If we have enough participants who will benefit from weekly groups, we will increase the frequency of our group.

For the group held January 27, participants can join via Facebook or via phone to receive support. After January, we will move our group to Facebook and discontinue phone support. If you have any questions, please contact Shannon Lyon at 801-240-3096 or at sagerssd@ldschurch.org.

Jan 27

Feb 24

Mar 31

Apr 28

May 26

June 30

July 28

Aug 25

Sept 29

Oct 27

Nov 17

Dec 29

2011 FSA National Conference!

2011-01-21T22:43:00.000-08:00

The dates have been confirmed! This year's FSA National Conference will be held on August 12-13 at the Davis Conference Center in Layton, UT. We are so excited to have Sister Beck as one of our keynote speakers. Sister Beck, currently the General Relief Society President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, has expressed a great desire to join us in our adoption conference this summer. There will be a full complement of excellent classes for birth mothers AND birth fathers, individuals who are pregnant and considering adoption, birth grandparents, as well as adoptive couples and those who are seeking to adopt.

Save the date! We'll see you on August 12th-13th!

Did you attend conference?

2010-08-01T21:47:00.000-07:00

We want to hear from you! Share your conference experience. What did you learn? Which were your favorite sessions? What do you hope to see next year? We'd love to share your thoughts as a guest blog! Let's make next year event better than the last!

This is it!

2010-07-29T20:51:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow begins the FSA International Conference, and we hope to see you there! Check below for the link to the conference schedule. There are many exciting offerings for expectant parents and their families, birth parents and birth grandparents. This is the third year birth families have participated in this conference, and we're looking forward to the best one yet! It's not too late--you are welcome to register at the door for Friday and/or Saturday sessions. Don't miss out on this opportunity to hear great speakers and meet other birth families, who share such powerful common experiences.

See you there!

Conference Schedule

2010-07-28T23:42:00.000-07:00

The schedule for the FSA International Conference has been posted! Please click here to check it out!

We are very excited for the Birth Family offerings this year, including 2 classes specifically for birth grandparents. It's going to be a stellar conference, and we hope to see you there!

Registration has begun!

2010-05-25T07:35:00.000-07:00

Registration has begun for the FSA National Conference! Birth parents, expectant parents, and their families are invited to the conference free of charge. However, please still register at the link below so that we can plan for attendance and meals.

www.regonline.com/2010_fsa_conference

See you there!

2010 National Conference!

2010-05-05T21:51:00.000-07:00

The theme this year is "Together by Divine Design" and we are very excited about this upcoming event. The conference will take place July 30-31 at the Davis Conference Center in Layton, UT (same place as last year). We will have several sessions from last year, but many excellent new topics as well. Once again the conference is FREE for all birth parents, birth grandparents, expectant parents and their parents. More information will go up as we get closer, including registration information. Please put the conference on your calendar--we would love to see you there!

Online Birth Parent Group

2010-01-25T11:20:00.000-08:00

Shannon Lyon will be running a birth parent group for young women living too far from an office to attend a birth parent support group. It is available to all young women considering their options or who recently placed a child for adoption. The group will begin February 4 and will go from 6-7 (MST) each Thursday.
To join the group, please call 1-877-453-7266. To join the meeting, you will select join current meeting and put in Meeting ID code- 3096. If you have questions or concerns, please email Shannon at sagerssd@ldschurch.org.

Resolute!

2009-12-29T12:52:00.000-08:00

The new year is quickly approaching. With it, 2010 brings potential opportunities, new relationships and friendships, and so much adoption love.

What can YOU do this year to become a positive voice for adoption? Here are just a few suggestions:

Contact your local chapter of Families Supporting Adoption and get involved! If you need help finding your local group, please let us know.
Blog about adoption! Share your story, join our Birthparent Roundtables, explore the vast wealth of the online adoption community. The world needs your voice!
Make personal goals. Can you help with outreach to schools and communities? Can you fight for pro-adoption legislation? Can you attend expectant parent support groups? Can you mentor expectant or new birth parents?

As birth parents, we have the opportunity to stand together, united by love for our children and their adoptive families. Stand with us, resolute as we proclaim our love of adoption.

Birth Parent Roundtable: Adoption and the Holidays

2009-12-16T09:53:00.000-08:00

The Birth Parent Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about being a birth parent and other issues related to birth parents. It's designed to showcase the diversity of thought and experience in our community through a networked series of blog posts. If you are a birth parent or a birth grandparent, you have a place at the table.

This is a special prompt with regards to the holidays, as adoption so often introduces new elements to the season. How does adoption affect your holiday celebrations? Gifts, visits, thoughts...what about your holiday is different because of adoption?

Publish your response during the next week--linking back here so we can all find each other--and leave a link to your post in the comments. If you don't blog and would like to join in, feel free to leave your response in the comments.

We'll create a list of links to your blogs here at the bottom of this post as they're added. Remember, the point is to listen to and learn from each other, so write, visit other people's posts and be sure to comment!

Guest Blogger: Myths and Misconceptions

2009-11-09T08:38:00.000-08:00

We're excited to host Tamra as a guest blogger today. She is a birthmother and a first advocate of adoption. Remeber this video? That's Tamra. We have been lucky to have her as a presenter the last two years at the FSA National Conference, and this past summer she was presented with FSA's prestigious Friend of Adoption award. Today's post originates as a series of notes Tamra wrote on Facebook, where she continues to advocate adoption every day.

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so, the MOST important thing for anyone to know about adoption, is that chances are, you don't know anything. i was surprised to find, when i first set foot into the world of adoption, how inaccurate most of my notions of adoption were! and in my conversations with people from many varying levels of education and experience on the matter i have encountered some shocking ideas! i try to cut folx some slack knowing i was once so unenlightened. also, given the rapid and dramatic evolution adoption has undergone, even in MY lifetime, as well as the media's love for horror stories and worst case scenarios, it isn't any wonder that many have outdated or fearful thoughts on the matter.
to people in the adoption family, these things are sacred. to have something SO beautiful and so much a part of who we are and what we love misunderstood can feel like the sharpest dagger to the most tender part of the heart. (and some of us can get pretty feisty)
SO, this week i'm going to feature some of the most common and most harmful myths and misconceptions. Birth mamas, adoptive parents, and adoptees feel free to add some of your (least) favorites as well as add you commentary to the ones listed.

"Birthparents don't want their babies"

i saved the worst for first! i'm not kiddin, it hurt my chest to write that!
i have not met this birthmom.
i wanted Justin more than ANYTHING i'd EVER wanted! it took me MONTHS to get over myself! the only thing i wanted more than to have his hand always in mine was for him to have all that could be his!
adoption is rarely a birthmother's plan A. to come to and through this choice, we must break our own hearts, defy our very instinct! NEVER believe that it is anything other than the love of our children that could enable us to do this impossible thing!

"a woman chooses adoption in order to have the chance to finish growing up, pursue their education, etc."

while this IS a benefit of choosing adoption, it is NOT a reason to.
i'm blessed by the many experiences and opportunities i've had to live the young single adult life. college, roommates, dating. i can spend my time and money however i choose. all of these things are greatly hindered for a single mom. but i tell you, without hesitation, i would give it ALL back! he means so much more to me than ANY of it! I was not my reason. HE was. i was totally prepared to put my WHOLE WORLD on the alter to keep him with me. but i couldn't sacrifice his.

"a birth mother can move on"

this is true and false.
i have progressed. i've had healing. my priorities and focuses have evolved. where, in the beginning, i thought of little else, my world is now full of other interests and pursuits.
while this isn't my whole identity, it's still a big chunk. and that's ok. it's awesome in fact. i will think about Justin and his family everyday of my life. and it brings me joy, not pain.
for 9 months we shared our food, water, blood, and oxegyn! he is flesh of my own flesh! bone of my bone! i will NEVER be "over it". and i don't wanna be. i will never put them away in a box in the closet. this story is my FAVORITE story! about my favorite people! it will bless me all my days!

"if i choose adoption....i'll be broken"

this was one of mine. it's also true and false.
my choice broke my heart, to be sure. my arms ached for him. my chest hurt. it felt my air went with him. i had longed, i had missed, i'd felt loss, but never like this. to write of it now i can still feel the memory of it. i had lost a child. and i felt it. not just for a few days or weeks or months. i felt sorrow grief for the first few years. i have to say though, there was peace and sweetness to temper the bitter aching from the very start. but as time passed it began to be intermingled with more and more gratitude, peace, joy, until i didn't hurt anymore. i feel deeply when i tell my story but when i cry, don't feel sorry for me! my tears are the gratitude my words can't express! Justin stopped by on his way home and saved me. he was my missionary! my love for him was the only motivation sufficient to make me change. had God not blessed me with these most difficult trials, i'd still be locked up in anger and pain and darkness, my view so narrow. and i wouldn't know love. i'm not back to how i was before. i'm SO much better! i'm not broken. i'm mended!

"people who choose adoption are very young, have drug problems, are very poor, and have very unstable lifestyles"

i wish this WERE true but as a result of these instabilities, in my observation, such women generally lack the clarity and presence of mind to choose adoption. on the contrary, i've seen conscientious, selfless, responsible people who, for those qualities, would make the best parents (in fact by putting their child's needs above their own, that's just what they're being).
while women of all ages, socioeconomic backgrounds, and circumstances have chosen adoption, the average age is 22. a young girl's frontal lobe is not fully developed and she often won't have a very clear sense of the reality of tomorrow or the needs of another person outside of herself. so she's going mainly on instinct, which of course dictates that she does not separate from her offspring. even at 18 it was nothing short of divine intervention that got me to, and through the decision. that said, i have known girls, young as 12, wise beyond their years and they are my heroes!
one of my many resistances to the idea of adoption was that i thought i didn't fit the bill. i thought adoption was for "those girls", the ones who would clearly be terrible parents. but i knew i was a good person, i would be a good mom. i thought, if you CAN raise your child, you do. i now know, it's a matter of good, better, best.

"adopted kids are always screwed up, if you place for adoption, your baby will be too"

i think it's funny now that i actually worried about this. there are several factors playing into this misconception. one is that people don't make the distinction between foster, international, and birthparent or infant adoptions. which is not at all to say that children adopted through the state or internationally WILL be "screwed up" but it certainly comes with a different set of challenges. the study i've seen showed that children adopted within the first 6 months of life (barring any abuse or neglect) showed no negative repercussions as a result of having been adopted. when compared to their peers they did as well or better in areas of academics, behavior, identity, or feelings of belonging. then when compared to those raised by single, biological parents the gap widens.
i think another factor is, yet again, the influence of the past. in the "dark ages of adoption" there was no openness, no information, no communication from a birthparent, and there was alot of shame and secrecy. we've learned from these mistakes and we now see that those things contributed to feelings of abandonment and inferiority. in this day of open, real, working relationships between birth and adoptive families, a child knows they came from love to love. they were not unwanted. they have EXTRA family who cherish them. there are no gaps in their identity. this is something that makes them special. we don't whisper about adoption anymore. there is nothing to hide!
furthermore, you cannot imagine the screening and procedures a couple goes through to adopt these days. and infertility can be quite the refiners fire. i think these folx are the cream of the crop! and after their work and wait and worry, and knowing the sacrifice it came from, they don't take parenthood lightly and they don't take their children for granted.

"the birthmom might try to take back the baby"

this is the stuff of Lifetime-made for TV-movies.
in GA i had 2 weeks after placement to change my mind. this added to my hell. i know some states allow up to 6 months. in UT the moment relinquishment has been signed it is already binding. even where it's possible, it is rare that a mother will change her mind after placement. adoption is not something that a person chooses half hearted or on a whim. my thoughts, while feeling that crushing loss, were that i would NEVER want them (his parents) to feel it. knowing what i knew, that that family was his, that they were better, even than my best, that THAT was the life that he was SUPPOSED to have, how could i take it away from him.
and again, things are not what they once were. if i'd chosen adoption because of social, religious, or family pressure instead of my own conviction that it was right for us. if i never held him or said goodbye. if i had to wake up every morning wondering where he was, with who, does he get enough kisses, is he fed well, etc. under these circumstances i can see how a person would have no peace and i'm certain i would have lost my mind. but this is NOT adoption today. as a birthmom sees the family she helped create, sees her baby laugh, sees the love his parents have for him, her decision is confirmed and solidified.

"no parent can love a child like their biological mother"

the instant i first saw him....words fail. i recognized immediately that i had never felt love before that moment. i felt my heart grow inside of my chest. i would've given my right arm for him, i'd've stepped infront of a bus for him. there was NOTHING i wouldn't have done for him. the world stopped....for moments while i tried to understand how he could be real. i recognized him. that moment is preserved in my heart. i feel it now as i shed even more grateful tears.
i regret i wasn't there the first time Debbie saw her Justin (but my heart still melts at the thought of it). i have NO doubt...no doubt that HER heart grew! that SHE knew him! that HER gratitude has spilled out through her tears for 13 years. she IS giving her life for him! day by day.
while the the blood we share is real and significant, it is not as real and as significant as is the sealing covenant. and biology does not have to exist for genuine family love to. i know that they COULD not love him more if he had their genes. i believe he was theirs before he was mine.

Adoption Walk TOMORROW!

2009-11-06T11:56:00.001-08:00

The Adoption ‘Walk with Me’ is intended to gather people together who have been touched by adoption. We want to help raise awareness of the positive outcomes of adoption in our community.

We will meet at the Rice pavilion in Liberty Park and start with a welcome/ introduction to the event. Next will follow the walk which will begin at the pavilion and follow the paved circular path around the park (1.7 miles) After the walk we will gather again at the pavilion and award prizes and conduct a closing to the event.

9:30 registration/ mingle
10:00 walk
11:30 prizes awarded
12:00 closing/ event finish

Make sure you wear plenty of orange! Orange is our theme color for the Adoption Walk With Me. Orange is cheery, uplifting and boisterous. It is also made from mixing two primary colors together...red and yellow. Hmmm... kind of like adoption!

'Orange' you glad for adoption?!

If you have any further questions, please email Alison.

Ask a Birthmom: Does openness prevent closure for birthparents?

2009-11-03T10:02:00.000-08:00

Do you think that open adoptions help or prevent birth parents from finding closure?

Sherri
Every situation is unique and I don't really believe there is ever "closure" with adoption, well at least in my case. The word "closure" makes me think of an ending as if our baby has passed on. I believe we place the child so he/she can have the best life possible and they have their whole precious life ahead of them. As time goes on we heal from the loss of placement. If the healing is what is meant from "closure", it depends on how you cope with the loss. I personally feel that leaning on my Heavenly Father, I was comforted throughout that time in my life and while I hurt and suffered greatly, he carried me through it. But the experience didn't end with placement or when I stopped crying every day about it. I think about Savannah often... how she is growing, what she looks like, what her preferences are and what accomplishments she may make. As I will always have a relationship in some capacity with her even if only as a birthmother, I feel there is no "closure". It is something that always be a part of us; and as we and the children we place grow older, the experience grows with us and helps in part to mold our characters. So to answer the question, I don't believe the openness or lack thereof has much to do with the "closure" or healing of the placement itself but rather how you chose to cope with the choice that you made to place at all.

Valerie
Honestly, I think that open adoptions are healthier for us birthmoms. I get asked all the time if having a relationship with my son makes it impossible for me to heal. I don't think that's the case at all. Because I have a relationship with him, I know that he's happy, I know that he's healthy and growing well, I know that his parents love him to pieces, and I know that HE knows that I love him too. I get to tell him that myself! I don't have questions, I'm not left wondering. I don't think I could have placed in a closed adoption, because I would never have been able to fully heal and accept my decision, because I would have had all those questions. So, I think that open adoptions do help give birthmoms closure--in a wonderful, wonderful way.

TJ
I have an open adoption and I would not want it any other way. I guess for each person and each family that varies. In my life I feel that the open adoption has helped me find peace and closure. I never have to wonder if my little boy is happy, or healthy. I don't have to worry about the environment he is in. Being able to see him I can see first hand how happy he is. I get to see the bond between him and his adoptive parents and what a great family they have. Every time I see them together it reconfirms that I made the right choice. It is healing to see how grateful they are to have him in there life and that helps me move on.

Becca
I feel like open adoptions help birth parents find the right closure they need. Even though an adoption is open there can still be limitations to it. My daughter doesn't live in the same state as I do, so I don't have the opportunity of visiting her on a regular basis unlike other birth parents who live in the same state as their child and can visit whenever they wish. It was easier for me to move forward with my life after placement because she wasn't right by me. I lost my maternal instincts fairly quickly and didn't think of her as my own, which were two things that I knew would be healthy for me. I enjoy watching her grow up on her family's blog and by exchanging emails with her parents. I can definitely go and visit, but it's not like I'm making a huge trip every month. It's almost been a year and a half since I've visited her. If you think that you would have a hard time with an open adoption but are unsure, you may consider placing your baby out of state.

I feel like closed adoptions are hard because you never get to see that baby ever again. You don't have the reassurances that you receive from pictures that your baby truly is happy with their parents, that they are in a good home and are being provided for in the best way possible, which is probably why you decided to place. I don't have to visit the blog where I check up on my daughter--that option is just available to me if I want to see her, and I do! It's important to figure out what will be best for you and your baby. Discuss with the adoptive couples you're interested in on what kind of openness they are willing to have with you after placement.

Taneil
I am a firm believer that open adoptions help birthmoms find closure. I have experienced both and have realized how my feelings have shifted. When my adoption was open I was at peace knowing that my son would know me. I was comforted with the fact that I would be able to watch him grow and see all of the things he accomplished as he grew up and I would be able to personally tell him that I love him. Now my adoption is pretty much closed I am filled with questions and uncertainty. The mystery of his life will be hard to cope with. The comfort is hard to find again. I have to work for peace and have had to ask over and over if I made the right decision in placing with his family. When it was open I didn't doubt, I didn't fear. I now have to count on his adoptive mom to tell him that I love him and that I will always love him and in all honestly that scares me a little. So I'm all about open adoptions. I think that, if handled correctly and maturely, they are healthy and beneficial for everyone involved.

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To read the bios of the AABM panel, click here.

If you have questions about THIS post, ask them in the comments and we'll make sure the panel answers you there.

If you have additional questions for the AABM panel, please leave them as a comment on this post, or email them!

Adoption Walk THIS SATURDAY!

2009-11-02T19:55:00.001-08:00

Guest Blogger: Regional Conference

2009-10-26T12:20:00.000-07:00

We are excited to introduce another GUEST BLOGGER, and this time one of our own from our Ask a Birthmom! section. Valerie is a birthmom and adoption advocate, and a birth parent representative on the FSA National Board. She very recently attended one of the Regional conferences of Families Supporting Adoption, and we asked her to share a little about her experience.

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I'm excited to share a few of my experiences at the FSA Northeast Regional Conference in Lebanon, Pennsylvania. It was so interesting! I'm actually from Utah, but my birth-son and his parents live in Boston, and it's really their fault that I got to go out for the conference. But it certainly wasn't a free ride--I was more than a little surprised when they (the regional committee) asked me to be their keynote speaker for the conference, as well as presenting two breakout sessions. It was very humbling, and I'm grateful that I was given the opportunity.

The conference began Friday. We actually started out in Hershey, Pennsylvania, for a tour of the Hershey factory and then some chocolate taste-testing. The tour was designed for small kidlets, but it was still amusing. This was the first time that I've seen my son in over a year. You can imagine that living 2000 miles apart cuts down on visits. So it was fun to tour Hershey hand-in-hand.

That evening was the keynote address. I was proceeded by a beautiful musical number by a local adoptive couple. I'm going to see if they have a website, and then I'll see if it can get posted here, because the song they sang about their son's birthmother was incredibly touching.

My keynote address was based on the scripture 1 Corinthians 2:9-11. The main point which I drew from this scripture was that we never know what God has in store for us. Ever heard the saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." But I also tried to impress upon my audience the perils of adversity as well as the power of unity within the adoption triad. That evening was supposed to be the most spiritual portion of the conference, while the remainder of the sessions were dealing with the more technical issues. You'll have to ask any of the attendees if it was any good. =P

There was a little social/dessert afterward where I first began talking to some of the attendees (mostly adoptive parents). I had been forewarned that things would be different than in Utah--but I didn't realize how this mentality really pervaded these people. Over and over as I talked about my experiences or my thoughts, I heard some variation of "Well, it's different out in Utah."

Furthermore, I was treated as an oddity, a rarity. These adoptive couples honestly didn't expect birth parents to be well-balanced, mature, sane individuals. So the fact that I displayed those attributes (I think!) meant that I was an odd one out, certainly not the norm.

As we moved in Saturday's sessions, I tried to--lovingly and respectfully--convince them otherwise. It helped SO MUCH that there were other birth parents present! There were only a few, but it was great to have them add their agreement to the fact that the majority of birthmoms are NORMAL PEOPLE, who aren't going to come in the night and try to steal the baby away wearing a ski mask. (We almost brought a ski mask for a demonstration, but decided against it.)

The first session, I co-presented with my son's parents, Joe and Jen. It was called, "Communication: The Secret to a Successful Open Adoption." I actually feel like this was the most important session that I was involved in. We played 'Mythbusters' and talked through common adoption myths that adoptive couples go through. I think it was incredibly powerful to have all three of us up there, together, laughing, agreeing, and talking about our own experiences. My second session was by myself, "What Birth Parents Wish Adoptive Couples Knew", and it was just a rehash of the session from the national conference. Still successful, and I hope it was helpful to those who attended.

What I really gained from this experience (besides hugging my son lots and lots) was the knowledge that there's still a lot of work to be done in the adoption world. There's still a lot of talking and convincing and really showing that we need to do. Those of us who HAVE found success and joy from open adoptions really need to keep talking about it, keep showing other people what has worked and how wonderful it is. Not every adoption is perfect, but not every relationship is perfect either, and that's what this really is--we, adoptive parents and birth parents, have a relationship. And in some cases, that relationship is more like an obligation that you feel like you have to fulfill. But in the best circumstances, it's a real relationship, a real frienship, and a real source of joy. This is a relationship worth having! And I hope that it's something also worth sharing.

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More of Valerie's experiences can be found at her blog, From Another Mother. Also, if YOU have experiences from this or other regional conferences that you would like to share, please leave a comment or email us. We'd love to hear from you!

Upcoming Event: "Adoption Walk With Me"

2009-10-12T10:39:00.000-07:00

Updates to the Site

2009-09-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

As you have discovered by now, we have updated the URL of our blog. Welcome to http://unitedbylovefsa.blogspot.com ! This change (long in coming!) was made at the specific behest of the FSA National Board, who were afraid that the previous URL would be confusing (which it was!) So we have updated all our links, and hopefully we can get the word out so no one gets lost in the changeover.

However, as a specific note to you--if you have linked to this blog or if you have our button on your other sites, please make sure that you update the links so that your guests can reach us. If you have the button, we'd recommend getting the button again from the box below on the left, to make sure that the links work correctly. And please keep getting the word out! We are excited for the upcoming events and changes in FSA.

--United by Love

A little more publicity

2009-09-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

In an effort to spread the reach of UNITED BY LOVE, we have joined the ranks on the following websites. If you are interested in staying up to date and continuing the discussions of how birth parent involvement in FSA can grow, find us at any of the following:

Ask a Birthmom!: Adoption in your life

2009-09-11T09:12:00.000-07:00

How does adoption continue to play a part in your life?

TJ
I work in an Ob/gyn office and if not daily then weekly I have an opportunity to talk about adoption. I have patients that have adopted, patients that placed, patients that are adopted, patients trying to adopted, and patients trying to decide if adoption is the right choice for their baby. On many occassions we get talking and forget they are just in for a doctors visit not to spend all day sharing stories. We share a bond and we enjoy opening up to eachother and I look forward to those patients appointments.

I am currently married and we are expected our first child. Every day I am so grateful for this experience, and grateful to know that at the end of this pregnancy I get to be the MOM. I know that in raising this child and others that come into our family I am going to be the best Mom I can be.

Adoption will always be apart of my life because it changed my life. I don't like the person I was a few years before I found out I was pregnant. Going through that experience I grew and I became a better person. Everyday I am grateful for adoption and the person I have become because of it.

Tamara
Though adoption will always be a component of who I am, it certainly does not define me. Today I'm married with five children, so I don't tend to dwell on the fact that I placed a daughter in an adoptive home over sixteen years ago....I'm too busy carpooling and helping with homework for that ;-) I did tell my older children about my adoption experience last year, so adoption is now more openly discussed in our home.

I also share my story with others when I feel appropriate, and I continue to volunteer with my local agency and FSA group. I've had the opportunity of serving in a variety of capacities as an adoption advocate over the years.

As a matter of fact, Sherri and I are collaborating on some projects together in order to provide some much needed resources and support to other birthmoms. We are hoping to gather stories and experiences to show what a blessing adoption can be!

Becca
Adoption is still a huge part of my life and I love it! I enjoy attending Group each week and speaking on birthparent panels--it's fun meeting couples hoping to adopt. I have also spoken in classes at junior highs, high schools, and even college about my experience being a birthmother and how awesome adoption is! I've also dated two wonderful men since I placed and both have been extremely supportive--neither were judgmental of my past. They both loved who I am and knew that the choice that I made to place my daughter made me who I am today.

I am currently in the process of applying to earn my Masters in Social Work. My dream job is to be a caseworker at LDSFS and to work with adoptions! I plan on being an advocate of adoption for the rest of my life, because I've seen the blessing that it is for me and for many others.

Valerie
Life as a birthmother has so many ups and downs. I remember how impossibly hard things seemed right after placement. Fortunately, I healed. I went a long time without thinking or talking about adoption. Fortunately again, I grew from that phase into where I am now--working as an adoption advocate and trying to help the expectant mothers and birth parents who are going through this right now.

Adoption is always going to be part of my life. I'm a birth mother. My son and I have an open relationship. I don't get to see him very often, but we're still in touch. I will always care about him. He will always be a part of my life.

But more than that, I know that adoption is such a beautiful thing, I can't help but share it with people. I volunteer with LDS Family Services and FSA. I talk to people about my experiences. I have a license plate border on my car that says "Adoption: It's About Love." Being a birth mother is one of the best pieces of who I am! And it will always be an important part of me.

Sherri
I am a completely different person today because of adoption. 6 1/2 years ago, I thought my world was crumbling down all around me. The truth is, I was being refined like the precious metal that gets super heated to purify it. I am so much happier with the Sherri today. Going through it all gave me a rock solid testimony of the gospel which has made me such a better person. I keep in regular contact with the family I chose. I am learning as I go how to do that best. It teaches me patience and tolerance which goes a long way when you are married and have 6 children. I love adoption! Any chance I get to talk about it, I share my story and how wonderful adoption truly can be. I volunteer with FSA on a weekly basis and so enjoy the opportunities I have to help other women and make friends with other people who can relate with me. I cherish these new bonding friendships, they are like no other friends I've ever had. It's different and it's wonderful. This is an area in my life that most likely wouldn't exist had I not been involved in the world of adoption. I see opportunities in the adoption world being opened up to me that I believe are really leading me somewhere great. Adoption will always be a wonderful part of my life.

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To read the bios of the AABM panel, click here.

If you have questions about THIS post, ask them in the comments and we'll make sure the panel answers you there.

If you have additional questions for the AABM panel, please leave them as a comment on this post, or email them!

Introducing the Birth Parent Roundtable

2009-09-02T09:30:00.000-07:00

One thing we've noticed about birth parents is that EVERYONE has a great story to tell. Our stories are similar, but each unique. We all have our own opinions, our own ideas about adoption and the related issues. We each need a voice.

Many birth parents have expressed the desire to share their story, to spread the positive word about adoption, and just to talk and take part in the adoption community. Many just don't know where to start. With that in mind, we're glad to introduce the Birth Parent Roundtable.

Your first assignment is to think back to who you were when adoption first entered your life. As with so many things in life, thinking about adoption without having experienced it and actually living it out are two very different things. What do you know now that you wish you knew then? Has the reality of adoption in your life matched your expectations? What one thing about adoption would you tell your past self, if you could? (If you're still in the beginning stages of your adoption journey, flip the question around: What one thing do you wish you could ask your future self about adoption?) Be as creative or straightforward as you wish.

Publish your response during the next week--linking back here so we can all find each other--and leave a link to your post in the comments. We welcome any and all birth parents to respond, and birth grandparents as well; everyone who wants to play along is welcome. If you don't blog and would like to join in, feel free to leave your response in the comments.

We'll create a list of links to your blogs here at the bottom of this post as they're added. Remember, the point is to listen to and learn from each other, so write, visit other people's posts and be sure to comment!

*Thanks to Heather at Production, Not Reproduction for her brilliance.

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Birthmother Valerie at From Another Mother reflects on the key role trust played as she prepared to place her son in an open adoption.

Ask a Birthmom #1: Openness

2009-08-31T10:32:00.000-07:00

Ask a Birthmom (aabm)
Just a recap: these are real birthmoms answering real questions--questions that continue to come in via the comments on this blog and email. There is something very powerful in having the chance to open up and answer with complete honesty.

The panel receives one question at a time, and we post their answers here. Keep those questions coming! We'll see the AABM posts regularly.

Here goes!

How open were your adoptions (if at all) and what are the major milestones in your child's life that you wish you could hear about or be invited to?

Becca
My adoption is quite open. My daughter's parents and I never made specific rules of how often I would get pictures or emails from them. They have a private blog for family and friends that my family and I are also invited to. I have seen new pictures of my daughter on there at least every two weeks and it's been nice to watch her grow up. She lives in another state, so I haven't seen her since she was sealed and blessed (a little more than a year ago), but her parents have told me that I'm always welcome to come and visit anytime I want. I haven't felt the need to go see her, but I'm hoping to soon! Her parents and I just want to play things by ear to see how our daughter grows up and what her needs are. If she wants me around, great! If she wants some space, then I'm ok with that too. I want what's best for her and her family.

The two main things I would love to see my daughter experience is her baptism and her marriage. I don't know if she'd want me at either of those, but if she did I would make it happen! Of course, visits with her every now and then would be great! I love her parents and am great friends with them as well. She now has a little sister, too, and I just love their whole family--even their extended family. They have all become part of my family and I love them dearly!

Tamara
I placed a daughter in an adoptive home sixteen and a half years ago, so my adoption is essentially closed.I never met the adoptive family, or even saw a photo of them. I don't even know their first names. I was able to exchange unlimited letters for the first year of my daughter's life. The adoptive family could also send me as many photos as they wanted to for that first year. After the year mark, we exchange one letter on an annual basis.

Since I have become comfortable with our arrangement, I'm not sure how I would navigate a more open adoption. However, I would have appreciated receiving photos and details when my daughter was sealed to her family, when she was baptized, joined the young women program in church, and had any other significant events occur in her life.

Valerie
I have a very open relationship with my son and his family. We email and instant message frequently, and we both keep up regular blogs. We've also started doing video chats, which is SO fun. Sometimes we get busy and don't write as often, but it's not a big deal--we always end up close again.

Unfortunately, my son and his family live several thousand miles away, so we don't get to see each other very often. I wish that wasn't the case, because I do wish that I could see them more often. I wish I could have gone to his sealing, I really would have liked that. I don't think there are other specific "events" that I want to be there for. I just always want to be part of his life, and to keep up the friendship that I love so much with his parents. I want to always have a part of their lives, no matter what that part becomes over the years.

TJ
My adoption is an open adoption. We see each other almost every six months, we also communicate through e-mails and phone calls. I enjoy hearing about some of his milestones. Such as his first word, the first time he crawled, and the first step he took. His parents would write to me in great detail about some of these events.

As he gets older there are going to be other milestones that I would like to be involved in. I would like to attend Church advancement, some school plays, and some day his wedding. For other things like his first day at school, driving lessons, first date, and sporting events I would love a detailed report and pictures. Right now I love to hear about him from his parents, but hopefully one day it will be him to share these things with me.

Sherri
Our adoption is semi-open. I let the adoptive parents know before placement that I would like it to be as open as possible. Admittedly I chose them because of how much they loved and respected each other not for how open they were. 6 1/2 years ago adoptions were not so much closed or open. They wanted to leave the world of closed adoption with its unanswered questions and shame, but hadn't truly embraced the world of openness and embracing birthmoms. We agreed to open emails and annual visits, but the first 6 months were closed (agency policy) and I believe it set the tone unfortunately. I was blessed to be able to attend her sealing and cherish each visit. This year she started 1st grade and I have recieved permission to start correspondence directly with her. I sent her a letter, a picture I made for her and a t-shirt and some pencils from the conference this year. I am absolutely giddy about recieving something back from her.

If I had my way, I would love to be closer with her family as a whole. I would love to enjoy a dinner together once a month, I would love to attend birthday parties even if they weren't the "real" party but an occasion set aside where I could sing happy birthday to her and watch her open presents and eat cake and see her enjoy herself in a party atmosphere. Of course I would love to have my time of day with her on major holidays. I know her family loves me and I love them dearly as well, I just wish they would embrace me and allow the love to flow like with regular family members. Aunts and uncles don't have annual visits and then only emails in between. I would want to feel more like a sister or family member and enjoy the fruits of her life on a more regular non-scheduled way. School programs and dance recitals would be just AWESOME!!!!

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To read the bios of the AABM panel, click here.

If you have questions about THIS post, ask them in the comments and we'll make sure the panel answers you there.

If you have additional questions for the AABM panel, please leave them as a comment on this post, or email them!

Meet our 'Ask a Birthmom' panel!

2009-08-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

It is almost time for our first Ask a Birthmom! post. This is going to be a regular series for UNITED BY LOVE, and we're so excited to see what answers these ladies can provide. We thought you'd like the chance to get to know these amazing women.

Becca
Becca placed her beautiful baby girl with the coolest family, who are now dear friends, back in December '07. Becca was born and raised in North Carolina. She LOVES everyone associated with adoption: birthparents, adoptive couples, adoptees, caseworkers, you name it! She has recently graduated from BYU in Vocal Performance and enjoys kayaking, geocaching, and being with family and friends.

Tamara
Tamara placed a daughter over sixteen years ago in a closed adoption through the Dallas, Texas agency. Today Tamara is happily married with five children. She graduated two years ago with her Master's Degree in Family Studies, and is grateful to be putting her education to good use as a stay at home mom! Tamara has volunteered for the past 10 years with the Dallas agency; most recently serving as the FSA co-chair. She enjoys eating out, traveling, reading, taking naps and avoiding exercise!

Taneil
Taneil placed her precious baby boy for adoption last June and has since found great joy in offering support, help and encouragement to birthmothers and their families in their quest to find hope and peace. She is currently attending Utah State University and is planning to earn a Masters degree in Social Work with an emphasis in psychology. She enjoys singing and is looking forward to being a member of the LDS institute choir this fall. Taneil also enjoys; camping, spending time with family and friends, scrapbooking, reading, making jewelry and watching movies.

Valerie
Valerie placed her son Ian for adoption in February 2006 at the age of 19. Since then, she has experienced a wonderful open relationship with the family, and has become an advocate for adoption. Valerie enjoys working as a birth parent volunteer with LDS Family Services; she loves working with expectant parents as well as other birth parent volunteers. She loves FSA and wants to see birth parent involvement continue to grow. In her "spare" time, Valerie teaches Taekwondo and is working toward earning her second degree black belt next January.

TJ
Teri Jo placed her handsome son Ty for adoption 5 years ago. She has an open relationship with him and his family. Placing him for adoption was the hardest and best choice she has ever made. She's now married to a great guy who also loves Ty and his family. TJ graduated from Stevens Henager Career College in Medical Assisting, and she currently works in an OB/GYN office. She has had opportunities to speak in High School classes and various Church meetings about adoption. She enjoys sharing her adoption story!

Sherri
Sherri was born in Miami and raised in South Carolina. Twelve years ago she started as a single parent and then placed her second child 6 1/2 years ago into the arms of a loving couple. Having these experiences has given her some great insight to the pros and cons of placing verses keeping. She is now married and feels blessed to be a mother to 6 children. She enjoys painting, traveling and spending time with her family. Since placing, Sherri has become an adoption advocate and enjoys giving back in the adoption community. She has participated in several panels and spoken at firesides, and she also presented at the FSA National Conference. Sherri currently serves as a committe chairperson for the FSA chapter in Ogden, Utah.

If you have a question that you would like to ask the ask a birth mom panel, please leave it as a comment on this post or email us. It is never too late to submit a question!

Guest Blogger: LOVED the National Conference!

2009-08-26T09:13:00.000-07:00

We are so excited to have our first
GUEST BLOGGER!

Kristy came to the National Conference as an expectant mother--and we fell in love with her. She radiated the exact same qualities as all the birth parents around her. And as you'll see in her blog, she definitely picked up on the UNITED BY LOVE spirit! We were very excited to hear about Kristy's experience at the National Conference, and we are equally excited to share it with you!

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My name is Kristy and I am a birthmother. My due date is in 2 weeks! From the time I found out I was pregnant, I always had a feeling deep down that this baby wasn’t meant for me to raise as my own. It took me several months to come to term with the decision, but since then it has been a wonderful, sacred, spiritual, and growing experience. When I went to the FSA conference this year, it strengthened my assurance that adoption is the right decision for my baby girl.

One of my favorite things about the conference was the number of birthmothers that were there! I guess I really had no idea how many other girls there were that placed their babies for adoption. It was comforting to know that I am not alone and that there are lots of other girls that feel what I feel.

Throughout my whole pregnancy, one of my concerns has been if I will make it through life after placement. I have known I was making the right decision, but I didn’t know how or if I could handle things after. There were several classes at the conference offered about post placement. Not only were the presentations amazing, the birthmothers that commented and assisted are proof that life will go on after placement and that they are better people because of their adoption decision. These birthmothers held their heads high and walked with self confidence. When they spoke of their babies, I could feel the love radiate through them. Being a birthmother made them who they are today. They have forgiven themselves and moved forward as a better person.

Most of the classes (at least the ones I attended), spoke about setting goals and expectations for after placement. One birthmother said, “Being a birthmom gives you a glimpse of how much God loves you. Live up to those expectations.” That has stuck with me since the conference and I have started to set those expectations now:

God does love me. He loves all His birthmothers. This knowledge alone makes me feel confident!
I deserve to be in a relationship where I am loved and valued. The birthfather of my baby has not been involved with this pregnancy and we never had a very good relationship. I know now that there is someone out there who will love me for me and love me even more because I am a birthmother.
I won’t let the mistake define who I am. I can make this experience a stumbling block or a stepping stone. It’s up to me how I move forward. For me, adoption will be a stepping stone. It has made me who I am in the last 9 months. I have figured out who I am and what I want out of life.

The FSA Conference was such an amazing weekend. I learned so much about myself and about adoption. I feel blessed to be part of such a wonderful process and I look forward to next year’s conference!

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If YOU have comments or stories to share about the FSA National Conference, please leave a comment or email us at unitedbylovefsa{at}gmail{dot}com!

Ask a Birthmom!

2009-08-25T09:19:00.000-07:00

We are on the verge of launching our very own "Ask a Birthmom"! (ala Mrs. R) We are so excited about this series. There are SO many misconceptions about adoption, even among birth parents and their families. And there are just so many QUESTIONS! Adoption is an ever-growing and ever-changing world, and we want to offer what answers we can.

Here is how to play:

1. Think of a question that you want to ask a birth mother. ANY question--these ladies are prepped for anything.
2. Leave that question as a comment on this post, or email it to unitedbylovefsa{at}gmail{dot}com . Yes, you may do so anonymously.
3. We will pose those questions to our 'panel' of 5-6 birth moms. They will answer your question with complete honesty.
4. We will post their answers together here, at UNITED BY LOVE.

Together, we learn and grow. Together, we are united.
Go ahead, ask a question.

Conference Wrap-Up

2009-08-18T15:04:00.000-07:00

The Awards Banquet on Friday night

The FSA National Conference this year was an overwhelming success. We have had so much positive feedback from the birth parents, adoptive parents, and caseworkers who attended.

It was especially exciting to see how many expectant parents attended this year! It was fun to see the cute pregnant bellies wandering around, especially when they were literally surrounded by older birthmoms, welcoming them and lifting them up. This is what "UNITED BY LOVE" really means--that we as birth parents are united by the decision that we made, and by the love that we share for our children and their adoptive families. It is great to think we are making a difference in the lives of expectant parents and birth parents alike.

We would love to hear YOUR experiences from the conference to share with those that were not able to attend. Send us an email telling us your favorite part of the conference, the most exciting panel you attended or the most informational classes you were able to attend. We would love to help everyone have a taste of this year's conference.

Many of you have asked if any of the conference will be available to those who were not able to attend. Once duplicated, a DVD will go to each chapter chair and each LDS Family Services office. There will also be a video stream link on the FSA site.

See you next year!

*Thank you to the National Blog for the photo and other information.

Tamra's video that we love

2009-08-18T13:51:00.001-07:00

Coming Soon

2009-08-07T13:41:00.000-07:00

A huge THANK YOU to everyone who attended the Families Supporting Adoption national conference. We feel that it was an enormous success. If you have any comments or fun stories to tell about your experience at the conference, we want to hear them! Please email lettinglovelead@gmail.com .

A note on moving forward:

Birth parent involvement in FSA is still new and still growing. We now have a birth mother on the National Board. A birth mother was presented with the "Friends of Adoption" award for the first time. The birth family attendance more than tripled between last year (the first time we were invited) and this year. We love seeing this kind of growth and expansion, and we want it to continue.

Watch for changes to this blog--we hope to use it as a "home base" for birth parents in FSA. In the meantime, we hope that you will enjoy the national blog, which can be found at www.familiessupportingadoption.blogspot.com. We hope that you will stay in touch with Families Supporting Adoption, and continue to serve as an advocate for adoption and the lives that are blessed by our miracles.

See you again soon!

2009-06-08T14:51:00.001-07:00

Welcome!

You are invited to attend the 2009 national conference of Families Supporting Adoption. This conference is a place where you will be able to bond with other birth families who have similiar experiences, be uplifted by inspired presenters, and feel support from others involved in the adoption world. No one else can understand both the joy and sorrow it can bring. We hope that you can join us in this amazing opportunity and be UNITED BY LOVE.

Please feel free to explore the site and links. Details for the conference are as follows. If you have any questions, please contact us.

EVENT DETAILS
July 31 & August 1, 2009
Davis Conference Center
1651 N. 700 W. Layton, UT
davisconferencecenter.com

COST
FREE to expectant parents, birth parents, and their families. Regular fees apply to their guests.
For adoptive parents, the cost is $60 per couple / $30 per individual.
*This includes the banquet on Friday night, and lunch on Saturday.

REGISTRATION
To register, please click here. Please register ahead of time so we can get an accurate count for meals.

Discounted accomodations are available! For more information, please click here.

CONFERENCE SCHEDULE
You may attend any portion of the conference which your schedule allows. You may attend any crossover classes with adoptive couples or choose the Birthfamily classes only.

The following schedule lists the topics for the Birthfamily portion of conference. The crossover classes are marked with an (*).

Friday, July 31st
9:00-9:30 Registration
9:30-10:30 Opening Session: "United by Love"
10:40-11:40 "What's Next?" Living Life Post-Adoption
11:40-1:10 Lunch on your own
1:10-2:10 Being a Birthmother is Just One Part of Who I Am
or Adoption Advocacy: Sharing Your Passion for Adoption*
2:20-3:20 Husbands of Birth Mothers (Panel)
or Navigating the Difficult Conversations*
3:30-4:30 Step by Step Through Your Pregnancy and Placement
or What Adopted Children Need from Their Birth Parents*
5:30-7:00 Awards Banquet (semi-formal attire)

Saturday, August 1st
9:00-9:30 Registration
9:30-10:30 Keynote Adress: Troy Dunn
10:45-12:00 Birth Parent Panel
12:00-1:00 Lunch (provided)
1:00-2:00 Uniting as a Birthfamily
or Deciding Who, When, and How to Tell Your Adoption Story
2:10-3:10 Desires, Expectations and Disappointments
or Telling Your Children Your Adoption Story
3:20-4:20 Letting Go and Moving Forward
4:30-4:45 Closing session & Raffle

*On-site childcare will be open both days and during the mixer to those who have pre-registered. The cost is $10 per day per child.

KEYNOTE ADDRESS
Troy Dunn stars on WeTV's "The Locator," a popular TV show where he helps people across the nation find lost loved ones, including adoptive families, birth families and adults who were adopted. A former BYU football player, author, popular speaker and current LDS Bishop, Troy has been involved in helping families for over 20 years. He first became interested in this kind of work when he helped his mother, adopted as an infant, reunite with her birth family. Troy feels strongly that having answers about your family makes a healthy family. He says, "You can't have peace until you have all the pieces."

What is F.S.A.?

2009-06-03T15:43:00.000-07:00

Families Supporting Adoption is an organization sponsored by LDS Family Services that promotes a positive view of adoption. There are over 5,000 members, consisting of birth parents, adoptees, adoptive couples, and adoption professionals throughout the United States, Canada, and New Zealand. Families Supporting Adoption focuses its efforts on three main areas: outreach, media, and education and support.

FSA provides many opportunities for birth families to participate in outreach, media and education. Birth parents and their families are invited to attend national and local conferences, and other activities sponsored by FSA. They are often invited to speak at educational workshops, on birth parent panels, or to provide support to expectant parents trying to decide how to handle an unplanned pregnancy.

The Families Supporting Adoption website can be found here. Their blog can be found here.

This conference is for YOU

2009-06-03T14:30:00.000-07:00

No matter where you are at in life, there is something here for you. If you are pregnant and considering adoption for your baby, we would love to have you join us. If you placed fifteen years ago in a closed adoption, we have topics of interest to you. There is something here for everyone.

The best part about FSA is the chance you have to get to know other people who have gone through your same situation. Their story is a unique one--just like yours. You belong to a sisterhood of birthmothers, and this is where we gather.

We welcome your family members. We welcome birth fathers. We welcome adopted children. But most of all, we welcome YOU, and invite you to come share a part of your story.

If you have questions, please feel free to email us at lettinglovelead@gmail.com . We look forward to seeing you at conference this summer!

REGISTRATION

2009-06-03T14:25:00.000-07:00

To register, CLICK HERE.

This is for registration and payment purposes only. Please disregard any information related to Temple Square events. Our conference takes place at the Davis Conference Center in Layton, UT.

COST
FREE to expectant parents, birth parents, and their families. Regular fees apply to their guests. For adoptive parents, the cost is $60 per couple / $30 per individual.

To register for free, insert this promo code “itsaboutlove” in the special code field on the registration form. This code is only for expectant parents, birth parents, and their families. Guests must pay to register. If you have any difficulty registering, please contact us!

CHILDCARE
A children’s room will be available during the conference and banquet. Please email Narda Emmett (iamaemett@yahoo.com) to register your children. The cost will be $10 per day, per child. She will provide you with the details.

ACCOMODATIONS
A few hotel rooms at the Hilton Garden Inn (762 West Heritage Park Blvd, Layton, Utah, 84041) are blocked out for a discounted event rate. You may reserve a room by phone or through the hotel’s Web site. Call 801-416-8899 and make sure to mention the group code, which is “LDS” and the group name, which is “LDS Family Services.” You may also register online. In the group code field, enter “LDS.” In order to get the discounted rate of $89, you must be registering for the blocked date (July 31st). We will be posting other hotel options when the hotel is full.

CONFERENCE INFORMATION
The conference will be held at the Davis Conference Center, in Layton, UT. For more information about the conference center, you can visit their website. For directions, see below.

View Directions to 1651 N. 700 W. Layton, UT in a larger map

QUESTIONS?
If you have any questions, please contact us at lettinglovelead@gmail.com.

Spread the word!

2009-06-02T14:38:00.000-07:00

The best way to get people to come to conference is for YOU to spread the word. This is a national conference, so no matter where you are located, there are people around you who care about adoption and who could benefit from this conference.

Here are just a few ideas of how you can invite others to come to conference and be UNITED BY LOVE.

-Contact your local agency/agencies of LDS Family Services. Ask them about distributing fliers to birth mothers and expectant parents. You can find the fliers below.

-Contact local health organizations about posting or distributing fliers. This could include womens health centers, OB-GYN offices, hospitals, etc.

-Periodically over the next few weeks, post this blog (http://lettinglovelead.blogspot.com/) as your status on Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, etc.

-If you have a blog, post our button on your sidebar (directions below). You might also feature the conference in a blog post.

-Contact your local newspaper, newsletter, television or radio station about featuring an ad or even a short article about the conference. Use this website as a resource for information, and if you have further questions, contact us at lettinglovelead@gmail.com.

-If you have access to other websites, invite them to post our button, link to this website, or feature the conference.

RELIGIOUS DISCLAIMER
Whenever you are marketing and discussing this conference, make sure to reiterate that Families Supporting Adoption is closely affiliated with LDS Family Services and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and that there will be a spiritual element in certain sessions at the conference. We don't want anyone to be unpleasantly surprised!

MARKETING MATERIALS
Below are a few resources you can use to encourage birth families to come to conference.

BLOG BUTTON
For those of you with blogs, Facebook, Myspace, and other websites, use this button to help connect others to FSA.

Instructions for Blogger/Blogspot:
1) Right click on the button, choose "Save Image As", and save to your computer.

2) In Blogger Layout, choose "Add a Gadget" and "Picture."

3) Upload the button and put this URL in the link box.

BIRTHPARENT FLIER
This flier has been specially created for the birth parent portion of conference. Feel free to print, email and otherwise distribute this flier.

QUARTER FLIERS

FULL CONFERENCE FLIER

If you have difficulty downloading any of these materials, please contact us and we will email you the files directly.

I Did it out of Love

2009-05-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

by Sherri Barker, birth mother

How can I tell my secret
it's deep and dark and mine
to expose my choices and my story
when is the right time?

I don't like feeling shameful
but I've been through this before
I was brave and strong
and did what was right
so that She could have more.

Some time has passed,
I have a family
I think the time has come
to share with them
and others I love
some things that I have done.

I've made mistakes,
but I've made them right
especially with those who count most.
I am who I am
and can't change the past
just know that I'm stronger than most

You may never know the pain
of a lost one such as I
a sacrifice beyond compare
to enrich her sweet life.

But when you think about my story
or the baby I gave up
know that I did it for Savannah,
and I did it out of LOVE.

Note: All artwork and images are the exclusive property of the individual artists and may not be used, copied or transmitted without written consent.

For more adoption art, click here.

I Saw What I Saw

2009-05-19T12:06:00.000-07:00

performed by Sara Groves

This song was played at the FSA National Conference this year. Probably not made as an adoption song/video, but we like it anyway.

Note: All artwork and images are the exclusive property of the individual artists and may not be used, copied or transmitted without written consent.

For more adoption art, please click here.

Becoming an Adoption Advocate

2009-05-18T13:56:00.000-07:00

When you have a positive experience, it's natural to want to share that experience. It could be as simple as eating at a restaurant. If you liked the restaurant, you'll probably recommend it to somebody else. Being a birth mother is similar, but on a much grander scale--if you had a positive experience, it's likely that at some point, you're going to want to share it.

Being an advocate of adoption goes much deeper than recommending a restaurant. This is one of the most personal, most powerful experiences that you have ever or will ever go through. It takes courage and diplomacy to share your story in a positive light that will further the cause of adoption. But when the time comes to share, you'll feel it.

There are hundreds of ways for you to share your passion for adoption. Other bloggers will discuss this, other websites will have ideas, other birth moms will share how they've done it. The few listed here are only the tip of the iceberg.

Start a blog. Maybe even a blog specifically for and about adoption in your life. If you choose, you can write anonymously. Or you can put your name out there, it's up to you. Either way, this gives you an exclusive and dedicated platform to talk about your adoption experiences. You can use your blog to connect to other blogs, like this one and the others listed under Birth Parent Blogs. You never know how your words will touch someone else, just when they need to hear it.
Join online groups that support adoption. You can find FSA and United by Love on Facebook, and Adoption Voices. These are great places to talk about adoption, and to keep the open dialogue flowing.
Get involved with your local agency and FSA chapter. They will be able to help you identify local needs--whether it be passing adoption legislation, doing local presentations for schools and churches, or other projects on a personal level.
And most importantly, speak positively about adoption. This comes in two parts--first, you have to open your mouth and talk about adoption. Share your story. Alter misconceptions. Ease concerns. You do this by speaking positively. The manner in which you speak and write about adoption does amazing things. If you behave as though you are embarrassed or nervous or ashamed when you are talking, people will believe that is how you feel about adoption. Be proud! You are a birth parent, and there is nothing more selfless and wonderful than that. You made this decision for a reason. Keep that--and the confirmation that you experienced when you made your decision--in mind whenever you're talking about adoption.

Stay tuned for additional ideas about advocating adoption!

The Thought of Winter

2009-05-18T13:32:00.000-07:00

by Deann Hirschi, birth grandmother

Looking out the frosted window
Clouded now with ice and dew,
I shiver the thought of this cold season,
Sensing all that I must do.

When days remain the darkest.
When unsettled storms reappear.
I still look toward the window
Listening for sounds I long to hear.

I’ve lost that cozy warm feeling.
I shake and shiver deep inside.
How long will this storm linger?
Or will its bite inside reside?

I try to focus more clearly
On all the promises that are given.
Yet my heart is clouded with panic
Fearing I’m too late to winters prison.

One storm can be life changing.
One remark can chill the soul.
Without the warmth of the Savior
Our patience takes a toll.

When I watch and wait and listen,
My heart is strained from lack of sleep.
I want to turn the ticking clock back,
And gather good times here to keep.

As each new storm arises,
I learn a lesson, though hard to bear.
I can’t force the raging weather.
I can only wait till the end is near.

I look for the healing sunshine,
For comfort and solitude.
Just to warm my troubled heartbreak.
What else is there to do?

I think I see too far on the horizon
That the storm is bleaker now.
It has consumed the innocence of childhood
And taken family from the plow.

The way ahead doesn’t seem any clearer.
It is cold as branded steel.
With conflicting and guarded emotion
I wait…
And then I think to kneel.

Because those promises are given
In the covenant that we have,
We can’t lose our hope forever.
There is help like healing salve.

As I put my trust in Heaven
And I wait with faith and hope,
I feel the warmth of radiant sunshine,
And find new strength for me to cope.

It will be a knockout winter.
It will bring a lot of snow.
But the path will be kept open,
As Heaven’s solace continues to grow.

She knows the way since childhood.
She knows within her heart.
She will find the strength to conquer.
And will be given a new start.

Her family will always love her.
Her friends will be there, too.
And though none of it will be easy,
Through the atonement she’ll be like new.

Through the grief of constant struggle,
Comes the fortitude to stand.
And all the promises that are given
Will calm the storm upon the land.

So I wait, and watch and listen
Like that lighthouse in the storm.
As her ship seeks to find safe harbor
The bond of family will be reborn.

I look at that frosted window.
Somehow new hope has replaced my fears.
Through the gospel and help of others,
The ice will clear with warmth of tears.

Deann Hirschi, November 2007

Note: All artwork and images are the exclusive property of the individual artists and may not be used, copied or transmitted without written consent.

For more adoption art, click here.

Darkest Before Dawn

2009-05-18T13:26:00.000-07:00

by Deann Hirschi, birth grandmother

As I awake from blissful slumber,
My mind races with thoughts of doubt.
Sleep’s left my body, it seems, forever.
I’m learning what parenting is all about.

I have much to help cover the heartache.
But the hurt is always there.
My broken heart is shattered to pieces
And scattered everywhere.

But then I look much closer.
Those scattered pieces are not mine.
I realize I have not been thinking.
My own grief consumes my time.

What I failed to see before now,
I see much clearer with brand new eyes.
This broken heart that I see scattered
Is my daughters own and twice the size.

I want to gather them all together
And put them as one with lots of glue.
But they evade my best intentions
I just don’t know what to do.

Piece by piece I place the puzzle.
Piece by piece I seek to know.
What will be the healing potion?
To hold together and help to grow?

My experience is of no worth.
It seems I doubt what can be done.
Can her heart be put back together?
And begin to heal and love as one?

Satan knows all her clouded thinking.
He knows her weakest spot.
He wants to stop her eternal progress.
And lead from all she’s been taught.

One step forward, two steps back now.
Seems to be the path that we all go.
Though it doesn’t make much sense,
It is bound to help us grow.

Our understanding is the foundation
Of what life is all about.
It’s always darkest before the light comes
And all will mend, there is no doubt.

She says Patience is that virtue
That all of us definitely lack.
Though we fear all that could happen,
What’s done is done, no looking back.

She wants to do what’s right now,
For herself and baby too.
We think that we are confused,
But look at what she’s got to do.

The dawn is on the horizon.
The Son will shine the way.
Yes, we all need lessons in patience.
It all can’t happen in just one day.

Although our doubts are all compounded
By the string of choices that were made,
We must seek to be forgiving
And be there to give her aid.

My heart and brain are having a battle.
One forgives and one holds spite.
It can hinder any progress
In helping choose what path is right.

We know from life experience
Some things she doesn’t see.
Lessons learned, although the hard way
Will help her be all that she can be.

Her expectations have been shattered.
Her hopes and dreams are dimmer now.
She will settle with fragile promises
Though her heart doesn’t quite know how.

She needs the strength of the Gospel,
And to have the priesthood in her home.
To be surrounded by people who love her,
So she will never be alone.

The darkness is before dawn now.
And it’s looming ready to sting.
Dawn shines bright with the peace of the Savior.
Joy and happiness it can bring.

So if you all scratch your head and wonder
Why she has all the challenges that are hers,
Just remember our purpose is to be there
To give encouragement and cheers.

It all could be so much easier.
But what is there for her to learn.
She may be a guide to future young girls
Helping them know which way to turn.

Her heart wants to do the right thing.
Her purpose for this just isn’t clear.
With good counsel and the guidance
Her resolve will then be near.

Her darkest hour will be her awakening.
Her lonely heart will be renewed.
All the pieces will pull together.
And be fixed by the things that she will choose.

Her tears will be the healing.
Her obedience and holding to the rod,
Will be the greatest adventure
And will lead her back to God.

So hold tight onto the good thoughts.
I say that more for me than just for you.
We give her hope with our understanding.
It will help her know and want what she must do.

We all become much stronger
In the trials that we endure
There’s no doubt that she’ll be awesome
It will all work out, of this I’m sure

Deann Hirschi, November 2007

Note: All artwork and images are the exclusive property of the individual artists and may not be used, copied or transmitted without written consent.

For more adoption art, click here.

Adoption Art, Music & Poetry

2009-05-18T12:53:00.000-07:00

An unplanned pregnancy carries with it an overwhelming magnitude of emotions. These emotions are felt by any number of people--the birth mother, the birth father, the birth grandparents, other family members, friends, and people who hear our story. These emotions are incredibly difficult to process and overcome. Different people deal with it differently. Many people have found artistic expression as a release--not only during a pregnancy, but in the years following placement as well.

The following pieces of art have been created by real people touched by real adoptions in their lives. We have birth mothers, birth grandmothers, and others who have come forward to share their work--and a little bit of soul--in the hope that it may touch and inspire others.

Darkest Before Dawn
by Deann Hirschi, birth grandmother

I Did it out of Love
by Sherri Barker, birth mother

I Saw What I Saw
performed by Sara Groves

The Thought of Winter
by Deann Hirschi, birth grandmother

If YOU have work that you are interested in sharing, please submit your work to unitedbylovefsa{at}gmail{dot}com.

Note: All artwork and images are the exclusive property of the individual artists and may not be used, copied or transmitted without written consent.

Why FSA?

2009-05-14T15:07:00.000-07:00

Adoption is a growing world. More and more people are being touched by adoption, whether personally or through someone they know.

As birth parents, we possess the ability to support adoption in a variety of unique ways. Just talking about adoption in a positive light makes you a supporter of adoption. There are any number of ways in which we become supporters of adoption--in person, via email, over the web...talking to people, doing presentations, creating blogs and websites, going to group...endless situations and circumstances where you can be an advocate for adoption.

Why FSA? Because we need each other. Birth parents share a unique experience. We have placed our own child, our flesh and blood, in the arms of another person to raise and parent. This is an experience that no one but another birth parent can ever fully understand. There are a lot of issues that come along with being a birth parent. We no longer have to tread these waters alone. There is strength in numbers, and together birth parents can strengthen each other, and provide a much-needed voice in support of adoption.

We invite you to explore the pages of these website. We invite you to return, to hear from our guest bloggers and other birth parents. We invite you to attend FSA events, especially the regional and national conferences. We invite you to find and join your local chapter of FSA, so that you can get involved in your area. And if you have questions, we invite you to ask them.

Adoption is about love. And you'll find that there's more than enough love to go around. Join us, and be UNITED BY LOVE.

Are you a blogger too?

2009-05-14T14:49:00.000-07:00

The following blogs and websites belong to birth parents who write about adoption and other parts of life. Feel free to do some exploring!

...and love it!

A Birthmother's Love

Amstel Life

Birthmothers 4 Adoption

Each Life That Touches Ours For Good

From Another Mother

The Happiest Sad

Mesa Arizona Birthparent Group Blog

Stefanie Jinelle's Journey

Somewhere over, up or on the rainbow

The Story of a Girl

Thinking About Adoption?

This Is Me - Love It Or Get Over It

If you are a birth parent and would like your blog to join these ranks, please drop us an email: unitedbylovefsa{at}gmail{dot}com

So you want to be involved in FSA

2009-05-14T14:32:00.000-07:00

That's wonderful! We're excited to have you.

Birth parents being a part of Families Supporting Adoption is still very new. A lot of people are still adjusting to the idea--they wonder, perhaps, how FSA can benefit birth parents, and vice versa. As anyone who attended the national conference saw, birth parents have EVERYTHING to do with FSA. We are the first ones who support an adoption, by deciding to place our child with a loving, two-parent family. And we spend the rest of our lives being birth parents. With the growth of open adoption, birth parents are now encouraged to speak up for adoption, and help others to go through this process.

This means you.

We need you to share your story. We need you to help expectant parents who are deciding to place and who are going through this right now. We need you to help support birth parents who have placed, whether it was yesterday or 25 years ago. We need you to help us pass adoption legislation. We need you to help us educate others on what adoption has become, and what our part in the adoption world really can and should be.

If you want to become involved with FSA as a birth parent volunteer, please contact us for details. We will put you to work! There are ALWAYS opportunities to be involved in the adoption world, no matter how much time you have to give, or where you are located. This is an amazing organization, and our involvement continues to grow each day!

Upcoming Events

2009-05-14T14:27:00.000-07:00

The FSA National Conference was an enormous success! We've had such wonderful feedback (plug--if YOU have stories and praises to share about conference, please email us!). Please check the link to your left for more posts on the national conference.

It was wonderful to be UNITED BY LOVE at the conference, and we want to continue that movement with FSA birth family activites. These are still in the works, but check back for more details. And if you are interested in hosting an event in YOUR area, please contact us for more details!

Ask a Birthmom!

2009-05-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

We will be introducing a panel of real, experienced birth mothers who want to help answer your questions. It's like a bigger-than-life, real person FAQ...but even better. Once we have the panel and the questions assembled, check back for some awesome birth-mother-ness. =)